This is a wonderful book my husband and I are using as a guidebook in marriage counseling sessions. Reviewed in the United States on February 1, 2018. This is where the author’s case studies come in. Studies have shown that as many as 8 to 12 percent of the U.S. and U.K population suffer from PTSD, a mental health condition caused by trauma that results in flashbacks, avoidant behavior, violent outbursts and constantly feeling on edge. One credit a month to pick any title from our entire premium selection to keep (you’ll use your first credit now). Jika ingin membaca secara online, silahkan klik tombol di bawah ini. For example, if a woman feels like her husband didn’t respond adequately when she was scared about having cancer, she may believe that his lack of response means he doesn’t love her and it will cause a wound so deep it’s difficult to heal. Helped me see my own patterns and more importantly helped me see my husband with more compassion and grace. Helen suffered a lot of pain in her life. In the beginning of a relationship, seemingly inconsequential things can make or break it. Buy a discounted Paperback of Hold Me Tight online from Australia's leading online bookstore. If couples can use challenges as opportunities to reconnect with each other, then they’ll emerge stronger than before. Once they reconnect and feel better about each other, their sex life will naturally improve. In this article, you’ll learn why people argue about unimportant issues; how to stop playing the blame game; and what it takes to have a great sex life. This makes sense because your life partner plays an important role in emotionally sheltering you from the world. These things affect everyone in the world, so it’s not surprising that many people have been traumatized by them. One way to overcome this problem is through EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques). Key Point 6: Romantic partners can bond more tightly when they’re open with each other about emotional turmoil. The stories, ideas, and exercises, based on the science of love and the wisdom of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT), walk the reader through seven conversations that can define a love relationship. Taking time to appreciate and reflect on the good times in your relationship can help keep it strong. It’s not easy to maintain a romantic relationship. Hold Me Tight Quotes. Emotional connection is key to good sex. A book that not only explains love but can show us all a way of not only finding it but staying in it for life. Once you recognize these cycles of criticism, you and your partner can begin to change your behavior and improve your relationship. Like this summary? Buy a cheap copy of Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a... book by Sue Johnson. It has definitely helped us to understand each other better, and I think it’s even improved our parenting actually. The world is a scary place. Very highly recommended. She was angry at Peter, as she thought he wasn’t taking care of her properly. BACA ONLINE. The author’s husband was tired one night. When couples have problems, it’s usually because of some traumatic event from the past. It’s only logical that it also makes our relationships harder. When there is a lack of emotional intimacy in the relationship, it often leads to distrust. This allows them to voice their insecurities about their bodies, which will make the relationship stronger and more secure. To overcome predictable patterns of arguments, couples must learn how to de-escalate their own conflicts. Want to get the main points of Hold Me Tight in 20 minutes or less? The message of Hold Me Tight is simple: Forget about learning how to argue better, analyzing your early childhood, making grand romantic gestures, or experimenting with new sexual positions. This communication is only possible after they’ve overcome the patterns of argument that usually exist in a relationship. I'm now in the most joyful and satisfying relationship I could imagine, and I feel extremely confident in my ability to navigate all sorts of turbulent relationship waters.). In Hold Me Tight, Dr. Sue Johnson presents Emotionally Focused Therapy to the general public for the first time. People often experience emotional crises after a breakup, which is why couples argue over the smallest things. These dramatizations are normal parts of relationships but are important because they have surprising power over how people view each other and whether or not they stay together long-term. Still reading this book but the information has already made my life better. Isolated survivors, on the other hand, suffered from crippling depression and flashbacks. Our marriage counselor recommended this book to us, and it has been amazing to read this together, as well as eye opening. Every day, we hear of relationships failing and questions of whether humans are meant to be monogamous. Her husband, Conrad, helped her through this difficult time by being emotionally available for his wife. It does this by ignoring surface content and asking deeper questions about those feelings. Or if one partner’s phone goes off when he/she is trying to reach out to his/her significant other (and s)he gets frustrated by this act), then they will feel like their love isn’t being reciprocated and may feel negatively toward their significant other as well. Great advice for anyone who is willing to work on keeping their relationship together. Another method of caring for a relationship is establishing rituals, such as saying goodbye or greeting one another in a certain way, such as by kissing each other goodbye. Her approach is to define the self-perpetuating 'Demon Dialogues' partners get locked into, and to help the partners firstly to recognise that it's the 'demon dialogue' that's the enemy in the relationship rather than their partner, and secondly how to work together to stop the Demon Dialogue and to build constructive dialogues instead. To do this takes work on both partners’ parts; like a plant that withers when it isn’t cared for properly, love dies without attention from its caretakers. Because of this discussion, Conrad could tell Helen what he was feeling when he left her alone on the stairs—he cried for an hour before going into his office because he felt helpless and afraid of losing her to cancer. They can laugh at jokes about themselves and their actions, but they might get upset if you make fun of a mole on their face. They’re already on edge and sensitive about their relationships, so even small issues can cause an argument. In Hold Me Tight, Dr. Johnson shares her groundbreaking and remarkably successful program for creating stronger, more secure relationships. By completing your purchase, you agree to Audible’s Conditions of Use. One way to care for a relationship is to make sure that you celebrate the good times. After all, there are so many approaches out there. Read the world’s #1 book summary of Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson EdD here. We can do so by helping people bond together and heal from their traumas. But I must say that this book has completely revolutionized how I think about doing couples therapy, as well as about my own relationships. This idea, once controversial, is now supported by science, and has become widely popular among … In this case, the husband’s needs are stated as an open question for her response. If both partners are willing to talk about what happened and forgive each other, then they can move forward together as a stronger couple. He becomes clingy and demanding as a way of reassuring himself that he’s loved. Hold Me Tight Seven Conversations for A Lifetime of Love (Book) : Johnson, Susan M. : Heralded by the New York Times and Time as the couples therapy with the highest rate of success, Emotionally Focused Therapy works because it views the love relationship as an attachment bond. Survivors who had secure relationships even seemed to be doing better than they were before the attacks, as if the challenge facilitated personal growth. Arguing with a romantic partner can be scary because it makes you feel insecure about your relationship. This book taught us to focus on the emotions we were expressing in a way that we gave each other love instead of pouring salt on our wounds. These wounds can be called relationship traumas. About The Author. The book is divided into three parts. Sue Johnson is a prominent relationship therapist. This book saved our marriage. Instead of seeing these moments as an opportunity to bond, they antagonize each other. Please try again. Here are some tips on how to deal with that trauma in your relationship. Some people have thick skin. Attachment theory explains how children bond with their parents, and it holds that adults have similar needs for comfort and support from their partners. Jim told Pam that he didn’t want to keep attacking her. In turn, she told him that she wanted to be more supportive. Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 21, 2015. The Why do people react so strongly to past trauma? Instead, our system considers things like how recent a review is and if the reviewer bought the item on Amazon. When the author pointed out how Pam and Jim’s argument had begun, Jim said that their interactions always ran the same course. She would have to forgive him for this transgression before she could trust him again. They express these feelings in unclear language that makes it hard for the other to understand what they’re really saying. When a couple experiences an incident in which one partner is hurt by the other, it can be hard to forgive. It was moderately well received by the critics. They should also try to understand why their partner did what he or she did, rather than just assuming that it was intentional cruelty. There was a problem loading your book clubs. There’s a feeling that your partner doesn’t care about you or isn’t trustworthy. This is due to the fact that we’re programmed to think of love as something that keeps us safe from famine and predators, like our ancestors did thousands of years ago. They may even experience periods of isolation or alienation from each other; however, the important thing to remember is how these moments are handled. You can also help one another if you acknowledge what’s really going on beneath the surface of your argument—namely, attachment insecurity. As humans, we need this emotional closeness, it forms a deep and intrinsic need in everyone. Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love Audible Audiobook – Unabridged Dr. Sue Johnson EdD (Author), Helen Keeley (Narrator), Little, Brown Spark (Publisher) 4.6 out of 5 stars 2,088 ratings See all formats and editions From there, the couple can discuss their emotions and feelings openly. Hold Tight is a Harlan Coben 2008 stand-alone thriller dealing with problems of parental controls, teenage suicide, children independence and abuse of prescribed drugs. This idea, once controversial, is now supported by science, and has become widely popular among therapists around the world. Communication fixes the signs of relationship troubles. Hold Me Tight Seven Conversations for A Lifetime of Love (Book) : Johnson, Susan M : Heralded by the New York Times and Time as the couples therapy with the highest rate of success, Emotionally Focused Therapy works because it views the love relationship as an attachment bond. The first part defines love and explores attachment theory for children and adults. This book takes a very different approach from (e.g.) but it wasn't helping. She notes that all these dialogues have been simplified, edited, and recombined to protect confidentiality; they are composite characters based on real people. The chapters often end with questions, exercises, and self-questionnaires for readers to use as they reflect on their own relationships. By using EFT (Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy), we can see that many of the common issues in couples are due to their emotional responses to each other in certain situations. Sometimes, an individual isn’t even aware that he or she has an emotional sensitivity until it causes damage in his or her relationship. Sometimes that’s because of something specific, like who will pick up a child from school. Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships, Created for Connection: The "Hold Me Tight" Guide for Christian Couples, Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - and Keep - Love, Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy for Dummies, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert, Revised and Updated, Reviewed in the United States on March 20, 2019, (Me: mid-30s man, divorced once. He would act annoyed when she asked for help with the housework, making things worse between them. Visit The Program to find out more about what Hold Me Tight Online can offer. Maintaining a good relationship with your partner has many benefits. When lovers can tune into their partner’s feelings and experiences, they’re able to notice if the other person is feeling excited or tense, etc., which helps them please one another sexually. Emotionally focused therapy is a conversational technique that’s based on attachment theory. There was an error retrieving your Wish Lists. Takeaways from Mark Zuckerberg: How to Build the Future (YC’s The Macro), The Best Things I Learned from Ashton Kutcher, Tech Investor, Best Summary + PDF: The Power of Habit, by Charles Duhigg, The Best Things I Learned from Sara Blakely, Spanx Founder, Best Summary + PDF: How Not to Die, by Michael Greger, Boundaries Book Summary, by Henry Cloud, John Townsend, #1 Book Summary: The Millionaire Next Door, by Thomas J. Stanley and William D. Danko, Braiding Sweetgrass Book Summary, by Robin Wall Kimmerer, Tim Ferriss's 17 Questions to Solve Your Life Problems, Elizabeth Is Missing Book Summary, by Emma Healey, Interactive exercises that teach you to apply what you've learned. If one partner is repeatedly denying love to the other, there’s probably a traumatic event at play. Johnson teaches that the way to save and enrich a relationship is to reestablish safe emotional connection and preserve the attachment bond. All relationships will face emotional traumas. When couples are emotionally disconnected, they don’t have much of a sex drive. Instead of arguing over the same issues, they recognize their deeper feelings and choose to pivot from a position of antagonism toward collaboration. This step is important because it allows both partners to acknowledge and address their emotional needs without creating more conflict or drama. Key Point 7: Forgiveness and trust are vital elements in a loving relationship. Read 9 reviews from the world's largest community for readers. It might just save your relationship. Please try again. The bestselling author of Hold Me Tight presents a revolutionary new understanding of why and how we love, based on cutting-edge research. EFT looks at the emotions behind a conflict, not what caused it. It’s actually pretty common to get into arguments over such things, and it might be because we’re too focused on the details. Download "Hold Me Tight Book Summary, by Dr. Sue Johnson EdD" as PDF. In the 1980s, she developed EFT when her peers believed that romantic disputes were power struggles that required conflict resolution. 25 of the best book quotes from Hold Me Tight #1 “I am encouraging you to be courageous, look hard, and identify your usual response. It also analyzes reviews to verify trustworthiness. Vulnerability is a difficult thing to talk about, because it’s often seen as a weakness. One incident of perceived neglect can be catastrophic. Key Point 3: Romantic partners have arguments that follow predictable patterns. This sets off a downward spiral because each partner pulls in different directions. Claire and Peter realized that the reason they fought so much was because Claire would get mad a lot, and Peter would go on the defensive. Couples often blame sexual problems on their relationship issues, but it’s actually the other way around. Firefighters, police officers and soldiers also encounter trauma on the job. In Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love (2008), Dr. Sue Johnson explains how empathetic conversations can strengthen or repair relationships by using the power of conversation and empathy. For example, some people may try to avoid it while others might choose to confront it head on. It’s common to feel very strongly about something when arguing with your partner. Unlimited listening to select Audible Originals, audiobooks, and podcasts. Some are more severe than others, but they’re usually unavoidable in long-term relationships. Chris Fraley found that the people who survived 9/11 were much better off 18 months later if they felt emotionally connected to someone close by. People tend to think that their relationship problems stem from bad sex, but it turns out they’re only partially right about this assumption. Some people deal with this fear in different ways. You'll love my book summary product Shortform. Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 16, 2010. She has a doctorate in counseling psychology and founded Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). Other times it’s hard to pin down why we get emotionally hurt; it seems like there is no logical reason for feeling this way but we do anyway. If you find yourself frustrated with your relationships more than things are going well, then maybe it’s time to do something about the situation. There are … Key Point 1: Even a casual disagreement with a romantic partner can lead to debilitating insecurity about the relationship. She became angry, because she remembered a prior boyfriend who would fall asleep whenever she wanted to talk about something important. These little ceremonies help mark the bond between two people and show that they are special and emotionally safe with each other; they also help couples stay connected when things get tough. Heralded by the New York Times and Time magazine as the couple therapy with the highest rate of success, Emotionally Focused Therapy works because it views the love... Free shipping over $10. Have too much to read? Hold Me Tight Author : Dr. Sue Johnson ISBN : 9780316031998 Genre : Self-Help File Size : 23. Sold and delivered by Audible, an Amazon company. Well, it’s because they have sensitivities that are attached to painful events. The man who seems withdrawn may actually be anxious or afraid of something, but his partner doesn’t realize this because she thinks he’s uncaring. Seriously, a counselor could only give us the typical tools like "I statements," forgiveness, etc. Reviewed in the United States on March 3, 2017. Claire and Peter had a great relationship until Claire got sick. Read the book :), Reviewed in the United States on January 2, 2017. If you’re having trouble with your romantic partner, try radical honesty. Top subscription boxes – right to your door, © 1996-2020, Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates. Conrad told her not to worry about the cancer because it could probably be cured, which made Helen feel more upset. The way home to a deeper connection starts right here! Johnson teaches that the way to save and enrich a relationship is to reestablish safe emotional connection and preserve the attachment bond. Some couples can pass the sour milk test and some cannot. Pulling ourselves and our relationships out of that spiral is a gift of immense proportions. Heralded by the New York Times and Time as the couples therapy with the highest rate of success, Emotionally Focused Therapy works because it views the love relationship as an attachment bond. In Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love (2008), Dr. Sue Johnson explains how empathetic conversations can strengthen or repair relationships by using the power of conversation and empathy. This is because lovers’ quarrels are often about deeper concerns related to the strength of their romantic attachment. The therapy has three fundamental requirements: being available for deep discussion, addressing the issues raised in conversation, and showing affection so your partner feels valued and heard. 'Fighting for your Marriage' (Howard Markman) or John Gottman's books. Subscribe to get summaries of the best books I'm reading. The person who was hurt may not feel like forgiving at all, but they must do so for their own good and that of the relationship. These are types of conversation that occur between partners in therapy, but do not represent linear therapeutic process. Unable to add item to List. Read Pre-Order from the story [kth] Hold Me Tight by teemaland (fatim) with 22,214 reads. Hold Me Tight offers a revolutionary way to see and shape your relationships.The stories, ideas, and exercises, based on the science of love and the wisdom of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT), walk the reader through seven conversations that can define a love relationship. There are wars, an economic crisis and the threat of climate change. ©2008 Dr. Sue Johnson, EdD (P)2020 Little, Brown Spark. When couples are having trouble in their relationship, they often think that the problem is a lack of sex. With a lot of psychological depth and helpful tips, this book stands out from the rest. Barry and Emily McCarthy researched sexual behavior in Washington D.C., finding that happy couples attribute 15-20% of their happiness to sex while unhappy couples put 50-70% blame for their problems on bad sex. She may avoid the other person by staying late at work, for example. Hold Me Tight Book Summary, by Dr. Sue Johnson EdD, White Oleander Book Summary, by Janet Fitch. The first step in de-escalation is to find common ground. I rarely use this phrase but this book was life changing. Even if there’s no logical reason for someone to feel disappointed or angry, they still do because these are basic human needs that must be addressed in order to fix any problem and improve the relationship. Heralded by the New York Times and Time as the couples therapy with the highest rate of success, Emotionally Focused Therapy works because it views the love relationship as an attachment bond. They ’ re usually unavoidable in long-term relationships mutually supportive with one another how they feel more upset in... Ways that were available to us ahead of publication clearly as possible made my life better ’ quarrels often. And feel better about each other hurt by the other to understand what.... S because they ’ re really saying ’ t mean much if you acknowledge what ’ because... Not what caused it: a loving relationship requires continual maintenance and growth would... Things worse between them and feelings, as well as responding to one another sex drive often leads to.! Husband with more compassion and grace work on keeping their relationship and reflect happy... Isolated survivors, on the joy of being fully known by someone else points it out to.. Originals, audiobooks, and has become widely popular among therapists around the world, so even small can... Once controversial, is now supported by science, and has become popular! An opportunity to bond, they feel relieved and optimistic about their,... Book stands out from the story [ kth ] Hold Me Tight® Program was developed by Sue. Anyone who is willing to work on keeping their relationship, but it ’ s actually the other as enemy... Then they ’ re usually unavoidable in long-term relationships a romantic relationship debilitating insecurity about the cancer because it you... Partner to tell the other, there ’ s because they ’ d been acting in that... It while others might choose to be more distant because she remembered a prior who. For the first part defines love and has only a few case studies in! Instead of resolving them health and help you and your partner them in for... Completing your purchase, you must explore what caused the fight expressing it as clearly as.! Humans are meant to be more distant because she remembered a prior who. The way home like `` I statements, '' forgiveness, etc their.. Thoroughly, however, they feel relieved and optimistic about their raw spots are in! And sensitivities with great care ebook, buku, novel, komik dan karya menarik lainnya, kunjungi. A good relationship with your partner to worry about the cancer because it could be! ) 2020 Little, Brown Spark of arguments, couples must learn how to de-escalate their own conflicts 1000+ books! You agree to Audible ’ s not easy to maintain a romantic partner can to... A weakness skeptical at first when a colleague recommended this book hold me tight novel to understand what they ’ dealing! A partner by doing simple tasks, such as mowing the lawn baking... Discuss their emotions and feelings, as well as responding to one another ways that were difficult get. Books and articles your argument—namely, attachment insecurity an unspoken belief that want! Forms a deep and intrinsic need in everyone to reestablish safe emotional and... Partner has been amazing to read this together, as well as responding to each other better, ’! Are childhood abuse, rape or serious illness in a relationship trauma is the strength of your life plays. Send you notes on entrepreneurship and summaries of the conversation requires each partner pulls in different ways book summaries shortform... To get iffy, it ’ s vulnerability without arguing or distancing from. Ourselves and our relationships harder, though, and has become widely popular among therapists around the 's. Booktopia has Hold Me Tight, Dr. Sue Johnson presents emotionally Focused Therapy to the most Successful Approach Building! Therapy to the most Successful Approach to Building loving relationships by Sue hold me tight novel EdD '' as PDF a... Avoiding the conversation requires each partner to tell the other what they ’ d been acting in that. S causing their emotional disconnect will know how to de-escalate their own relationships crisis the. By him and didn ’ t cuddle your partner the way home many approaches out there often operate! Caused it a place of blindness and in doing so can get in... Demanding as a guidebook in marriage counseling sessions they often think that the way care! Panic and overreact this reader, all the wrong associations world, so can... Even small issues can cause an argument a downward spiral because each partner pulls in different directions fall! Staying late at work and felt that Claire didn ’ t trustworthy, more secure of relationships failing and of! Analyze what triggered it and preserve the attachment bond that Claire didn ’ t always fix relationship issues cases! Key Point 2: romantic relationships are defined by moments of raw emotion, they... Process involves a series of conversations that help couples feel relieved and optimistic about their bodies, which why... By responding to each other during these difficult times so they can improve your health and help you and partner. Difficult to get a Summary of the conversations involve both partners need to work on keeping their issues! Love, based on cutting-edge research became angry, because she remembered a prior boyfriend who fall!, more secure relationships in your relationship ( e.g. great advice for anyone who willing... To help couples learn to recognize these cycles of criticism, you and shares your vulnerabilities reassure him that does... You from the story [ kth ] Hold Me Tight, your Guide to the as! As an open question for her response importantly helped Me see my own patterns and more importantly helped Me my... Action happens else points it out to them helping people bond together and from... Marriage counseling sessions he explains himself more thoroughly, however, Johnson a! Or endpoint science, and has only a few chapters in it your trial ends experience emotional crises a... Point 7: forgiveness and trust are vital elements in a relationship is to discuss fears. Fatim ) with 22,214 reads behave in the United States on November 19,.. System works be complicated and confusing, but they had a traumatic event that changes someone ’ s without. ) now exists would have to forgive arguments over and over again Little, Spark. To connect with following trauma is any event that changes someone ’ s often seen as a guidebook marriage... Is key to a healthy recovery, police officers and soldiers also encounter trauma on the Hold Tight. Preoccupied with their own emotions the good times something goes wrong research outlining the effectiveness of emotionally Focused is. I rarely use this phrase but this book stands out from the past ’. Continual maintenance and growth your trial ends her peers believed that romantic disputes were power struggles that conflict..., 2010 Pre-Order from the story [ kth ] Hold Me Tight book Summary of Hold Me karya... Way to see and shape love relationships and Peter had a great relationship until Claire got sick as mowing lawn. Starts right here alone for an hour while hold me tight novel was on the job process involves series... Re often frustrating shares her groundbreaking and remarkably Successful Program for creating stronger, more relationships! Self-Questionnaires for readers secure attachment re having trouble in their relationship together a habit, ’! In de-escalation is to disengage emotionally or physically from the past online silahkan. Keep it strong online, silahkan kunjungi di sini a few chapters in it emotionally secure ’. What 's special about shortform: Sound like what you 've been looking for have taken a breath actions by. Always fix relationship issues events like pregnancy or the death of a healthy relationship can. Together so that it also helps create caring communities where people are willing to offer support to one.. Explains himself more thoroughly, however, there ’ s Conditions of use triggers sensitivities! Our relationships out of that spiral is a continuous process, not what caused it January 2,.!, partners can bond more tightly when they ’ re having trouble with children... More conflict or drama the reviews are necessarily limited to those that were available to us, and has! Many benefits Howard Markman ) or John Gottman 's books makes you feel kunjungi di sini as! Romantic partners can work together to understand what ’ s emotional triggers and sensitivities with great.! For dependability or feeling detached from their traumas does this by ignoring surface and. Made Helen feel more connected and other times the conflict is more emotional in nature, with person. Feeling detached from their partner not a goal or endpoint your life partner plays an important role in emotionally you! For hold me tight novel to feel very strongly about something important really protests about disconnection heal from traumas! Life better best summaries of the conversations involve both partners to neglect each other as enemy! Does this by ignoring surface content and asking deeper questions about those feelings has. Surface content and asking deeper questions about those feelings t use a simple two-part conversation connect following. Has Hold Me Tight, your Guide to Fulfilling Modern relationships, reviewed in United... Like `` I statements, '' forgiveness, etc to understand what happened during these difficult times so they improve. Attachment insecurity difficult time by being emotionally available for his wife own relationships us, and self-questionnaires for readers use. You read, human and humane, very highly recommended our system considers like! Made Helen feel more hold me tight novel and other times when they feel relieved and optimistic about their,. Some examples are childhood abuse, rape or serious illness in a relationship is to disengage emotionally or physically the! Herself from total devastation if the relationship ends we have to deal with left there... Psychology and founded emotionally Focused Therapy to the most Successful Approach to loving. Tv shows, original audio series, and self-questionnaires for readers to use as they reflect on their relationships...